


it was just a summer thing (but i know i miss you)

by wanderror



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Kara Danvers, Drama & Romance, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor in Love, Kara isn’t as oblivious in this one guys, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lesbian Lena Luthor, Loss of Virginity, Roommates, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, it isn’t what you think, just let it play out, this is just a love story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:47:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27140615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderror/pseuds/wanderror
Summary: “I dare you to get Miss goody two-shoes over there to fall in with you.” He pointed at a sober Kara, who was sitting across the room, playing cards with her friends.Lena couldn’t help but stare at the soft beauty sitting on the couch. She was wearing one of  her usual holier-than-thou dresses—as Sam liked to call them—with a cardigan on top, and hair pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like she had just come from church. But Lena didn’t find anything wrong with what the girl was wearing. Actually, she thought Kara looked beautiful in her yellow dress.“Okay. I'll do it.” Lena didn’t know why those words left her mouth. She wasn’t thinking clearly. The alcohol filled her mind with a sense of longing, and in that moment, all she wanted was to say yes.“Really?” Maxwell was genuinely surprised.“Lena, no… you don’t have to agree to this.” Sam, as usual, was being the voice of reason.“Give me two weeks,” Lena said.OrLena breaks Kara's heart after the blonde finds out their summer romance began as a bet between Lena and her friends at a party. They part ways and go off to college. Two years later, Lena transfers to NCU and ends up as Kara's roommate.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 156
Kudos: 795





	1. hooked and reeled

**Author's Note:**

> So I was listening to "betty" by Taylor Swift, and I wondered what that song would look like as a Supercorp story. Then I came up with this. 
> 
> For now, this story will only have three chapters. But who knows... Moonstone started off the same and three chapters turned into eight. So we'll see. 
> 
> As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. So don't be shy! Constructive criticism is something I value.
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> PS: there will be smut (as you could probably tell by the rating and tags). But you won't get it until later chapters.

Lena was never one to stoop so low. She was never one to submit to peer pressure. But she had had one too many drinks at Maxwell—football darling of Smallville High—Lord’s end of the year party, and she’d lost all inhibition.

The truth is, she could have backtracked. She could have refused to go through with it the next day when her posse of friends cornered her and reminded her of the dare. The dare that had now turned into a bet amongst friends. A bet that challenged Lena to try to gain the affection of their school’s most notoriously prudish, unattainable girl: Kara Danvers.

However, she was a Luthor. And Luthor’s never turned down a challenge.

_“Lena can get any girl she wants, Max. Unlike you.”_ Lena remembers her best friend Sam coming to her defense after Maxwell was being… Maxwell.

_“Oh yeah?” Maxwell shot Lena a sickeningly wicked grin. “I dare you to get Miss goody two-shoes over there to fall in with you.” He pointed at a sober Kara, who was sitting across the room, playing cards with her friends._

_Lena couldn’t help but stare at the soft beauty sitting on the couch. She was wearing one ofher usual holier-than-thou dresses—as Sam liked to call them—with a cardigan on top, and hair pulled back into a ponytail. She looked like she had just come from church. But Lena didn’t find anything wrong with what the girl was wearing. Actually, she thought Kara looked beautiful in her yellow dress._

_“Okay. I'll do it.” Lena didn’t know why those words left her mouth. She wasn’t thinking clearly. The alcohol filled her mind with a sense of longing, and in that moment, all she wanted was to say yes._

_“Really?” Maxwell was genuinely surprised._

_“Lena, no… you don’t have to agree to this.” Sam, as usual, was being the voice of reason._

_“Give me two weeks,” Lena said._

_“I’ll give you all summer.”_

_“That won’t be necessary.” She smiled smugly and caught a glimpse of Maxwell’s toxic masculinity feeling threatened._

_“Now, now, Lena… don’t get ahead of yourself. You really think I’d make it that easy?”_

_Lena wanted to punch the cocky smile right off his hideous face._

_He smirked insidiously. “I’ll be vying for her affection as well.”_

_Lena stiffened, her blood pumping faster; she could feel the vein on her forehead popping out of anger._

_“Not even in your dreams,” she said to him._

_“We’ll see about that.” And there it was again; that smugness of his that Lena wanted to rid the world of._

Sam had tried to reason with her again the next day. And Lena almost, _almost,_ changed her mind.

But then she saw Kara walking home a week later, and a cocky Maxwell right on her tail. He called out to her a couple times, until she turned around.

Lena told herself that Kara was better off with her, bet or not. She wouldn’t allow the blonde to fall under the grasps of that filthy rich boy. He would destroy her. Pluck the innocence and goodness that was Kara Danvers. And Lena certainly couldn’t have that.

She told herself that what she was doing was honorable. And for a minute, she actually believed it. She actually thought that what she was doing was the right thing.

Lena watched the interaction curiously as she followed slowly behind in her car. Maxwell was being… _sweet?_

Kara was smiling. _Kara was smiling._

_Oh no._

Lena sped up. The car screeched to a stop right in front of Maxwell and Kara.

Lena rolled her window down. “Kara!”

Kara looked so confused. And Lena didn’t blame her. They’d hardly spoken in all the years they’d been in school together. In fact, Lena could count the times she exchanged conversation with the blonde on one hand.

“Uh…” Lena hadn’t thought this far ahead. She didn’t really know what to say.

“Hey, Lena… something we can do for you?” Maxwell smirked.

Lena cleared her throat. “I just wanted to talk to Kara for a moment.” It wasn’t a lie.

Kara had this cute little crinkle between her brows that Lena just couldn’t take her eyes off. _This girl is so adorable,_ she thought.

“Y-you want to talk to me?” Kara looked at Lena curiously now.

“Yeah, I… I actually wanted to offer you a ride.”

“Oh…” A blush peeked through Kara’s cheeks.

“Yeah, well, we’re actually going to go grab a bite. See you later, Lena.” Maxwell grabbed Kara’s arms and tried dragging her with him, but his face contorted into a look of bewilderment.

Kara stood as still as a rock in her spot. Maxwell hadn’t even managed to move her in the slightest.

Kara’s face went through a rollercoaster of emotions, until at last, it settled on anger.

“Do not grab me like that again.” She pulled her arm away from Maxwell as if she’d been burned. “And I never agreed to go with you.”

Maxwell was shocked. “I… uh…” For once in his life, he was rendered dumb. He put his hand behind his neck, flexing his bicep. “Sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean anything by it.” There it was again. That disgustingly sweet smile that Lena had seen before she interrupted them.

Kara suddenly looked shy. She didn’t know what to say. The blonde looked at Lena pleadingly, silently begging to be put of her misery.

Lena decided to rescue her. “Kara… why don’t you hop in?”

Kara thought about it. She thought about it _hard,_ the seriousness of her expression giving away as much. “Sure. Yeah, okay,” the blonde finally said.

Lena: one.

Maxwell: zero.

The look on Maxwell’s face was priceless. Better than any Christmas present Lena could wish for.

Kara hopped in the car and Lena drove off before Maxwell could say something stupid. She looked in her rearview mirror to find an angry Maxwell Lord left rejected on the sidewalk.

Lena smiled in satisfaction. She was thinking about all the ways she would rub this in Maxwell’s ugly face.

Kara cleared her throat, bringing Lena back to reality.

And boy, did reality hit her. She had a very beautiful girl in the passenger seat. A girl, that she hated to admit, she’d been crushing on for ages.

“Thanks for the save back there.”

“Oh… yeah, no biggie. I’m sure you would have done the same… besides… you could have handled that yourself. Didn’t look like you needed my help… but Max is an ass. Sorry about that,” Lena smiled sheepishly. She glanced at Kara for a brief moment. “Where were you headed anyways?”

“Uhm. I was on my way home. I was at the library.”

“Kara, you live on the other side of town… you were planning to walk all the way home?” Lena was a bit surprised. Kara lived a few blocks from her. It was quite the trek from where they were now.

“I enjoy the long walk,” Kara shrugged. As if that were the answer to all of life’s hard questions.

Lena couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her. “Alright, Kara Danvers… what else do you enjoy?”

Kara gave her an odd look.

“What?” Lena asked.

“We’ve been in the same school for years… not once have you talked to me unless it was absolutely necessary…” Kara frowned. “I guess, I’m just confused… why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?”

Lena was caught off guard with that question. _Had she ever been rude to Kara? Had she ever been mean?_ She quickly replayed every interaction her and the blonde had had in the past. None of the memories indicated that she’d shown Kara any unkindness.

“Was I not nice before?”

“No! I mean… that’s not what I meant. You’ve always been nice to me. But… uhm. We’re not exactly friends, Lena…”

“I’d like to be.”

It was now Kara who was caught off guard.

“We’re going off to college soon… this is my last summer in Smallville before I get shipped off to New England… I didn’t want to leave without getting to know you.” Lena didn’t know where that confession came from. She surprised herself with the admission.

There were a few beats of silence between them before Kara spoke. “I’d like that,” she said softly.

Lena was suddenly lost in Kara’s eyes. “Like what?”

Before she knew it, she heard some honking and Kara was grabbing the steering wheel.

“Lena! The road!”

Lena came back to her senses quickly. “Oh fuck… sorry,” she said as she regained control of the steering wheel and her quaking heart. “I’m so sorry about that, Kara. I’m usually a really careful driver. I promise.”

“Jesus, Lena. Please tell me you’re not as distracted when you’re by yourself… you could have been killed!” Kara seemed frustrated.

“I’m more worried about the fact that I could have killed you!” Lena looked at Kara incredulously. And then she realized she’d taken her eyes off the road once again. “Shit. Sorry.” She focused her attention on the road and held onto the steering wheel with a death grip.

_Note to self: never look at Kara Danvers while driving._

The tension was palpable in the car and a long silence followed. It wasn’t until they were nearing Kara’s house that Lena broke the silence. “Kara… would you like to hang out sometime?”

Lena expected another silence to follow, but Kara spoke up immediately, not a second later. “Sure!” It came out of her with a little too much excitement and Lena found it endearing.

When Lena pulled into Kara’s driveway, she looked over to find a blushing blonde. Lena couldn’t help the smile that invaded her lips.

Kara reciprocated Lena’s smile with a stunning one of her own. _God, that smile._

“Would you like to come in? My mom probably made lunch. She always makes extra just in case.”

“Just in case a stranger decides to crash family lunchtime?” Lena said playfully.

“Something like that.” Kara’s smile fell and Lena worried she’d said something wrong.

But before she could brush over the topic, Kara schooled her expression and a smile made its way onto her lips once more. Except the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“So… would you like to come in?”

“Yeah. I would.”

Lena followed a beaming Kara inside. The blonde’s sunny disposition radiated an entrancing energy, too contagious not to spread. Lena’s mood instantly lightened. And as soon as she was introduced to Eliza Danvers, she knew where that wonderful aura of Kara’s came from. Kara’s mother was just as sweet, just as bright. What was that saying? Oh, yes… the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. In Kara’s case, that saying held truth in the most delightful way.

Lena had a pleasant lunch, despite Kara’s sister, Alex, throwing nasty sideways glances her way the entire time. Alex made her distaste for Lena known. And the other two Danvers women noticed. It created an air of tension in the dining room. But all was forgotten later on when Alex apologized. Apparently, Kara had had a talk with her while they’d gone to fetch some board games.

It was a typical afternoon in the Danvers house, according to Kara. They’d always have lunch and spend some time together afterwards, playing board games or watching movies. Sometimes they even knitted.

Lena made a face when Kara told her about the knitting. She just couldn’t picture the blonde knitting. Kara seemed like the type of person who didn’t have the patience for such a hobby. And Lena turned out to be correct in her assumption; Kara confirmed it along with a laugh. _“Oh, God. I hate knitting. I can’t stay still for too long. I don’t know how people can just sit there and knit a scarf... it’s so boring!”_ Kara had made such a goofy face that Lena couldn’t stop laughing.

After what was the longest game of Monopoly Lena had ever played, she realized it was almost dinner time.

“I should really get going.”

Lena received the most irresistible pout in response. _That pout could surely make anyone bend to Kara’s will,_ she thought.

“Don’t go yet. Stay for dinner,” Kara said.

“I wish I could. But mother is very strict about family dinner. Plus my father is headed back to the city tomorrow.”

“Do you want to hang out again tomorrow?” There was that pout again.

_I’m in big trouble,_ the thought raced through Lena’s mind.

Lena observed Kara for a long moment. The blonde looked so beautiful under the sunlight that peeked through the front porch. She was a rare beauty. Lena hadn’t met anyone like her before. A girl both timid and sprightly, with so many layers to peel. A girl who was covered up so much, leaving everything to the imagination, yet somehow managed to look strikingly sexy. Perhaps it was her smoldering gaze or those rich, pink lips that curved into a dazzling smile. Or perhaps it was her eyes, those deep azure moons that bore into Lena, staining her soul with everything blue. 

Lena stared at Kara and nothing made sense anymore.

Her mind couldn’t help but wander off to Maxwell’s words. _“I dare you to get Miss goody two-shoes over there to fall in with you.”_ Why had Lena agreed to such a thing? It was such a cruel bet that Lena had no clue how she was going to pull it off. She didn’t have a cruel bone in her body, despite what others may have thought.

If Lena would have been honest with herself, she would have admitted that she just used the bet as an excuse to get close to Kara. Kara, the girl she had been crushing on since freshman year. Kara, the girl who was mysterious and kind. Kara, who didn’t have a single bone of malice in her body, who was a sunny day as opposed to the stormy night that was Lena Luthor.

But Lena wouldn’t admit it to herself just yet. Instead, she did what she does best, and she came up with an excuse. She was doing Kara a favor, really. Maxwell was a prick. She had to make sure she won the bet. And besides, Lena wasn’t going to play Kara, not really. Kara didn’t have to know about the bet, and her friends didn’t have to know that she didn’t go through with it.

That was the devil on her shoulder speaking. The angel, however, was telling Lena to abort mission—to cancel the bet. And Lena _almost_ listened to the angel. It was screaming at her to do the right thing.

Still, the devil won.

“I’d love to,” Lena blurted out.

She was about to recant when Kara shot her a charming smile. It was too late then. She was hooked and reeled.

“See you tomorrow then.” Kara smiled like an idiot. She smiled all the way to Lena’s car. She smiled when she opened the door for Lena like a perfect gentlelady. She smiled when she pressed a goodbye kiss to Lena’s cheek. And she was still smiling when she went back to her porch and turned around to wave another goodbye at Lena.

_Hooked and reeled,_ Lena thought.

_Hooked and reeled._


	2. the treehouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara takes Lena somewhere special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, fair warning, this chapter ends on a cliffhanger. BUT don't kill me, I will be posting the next chapter tomorrow. 
> 
> I know I said there would be smut in this chapter, but as I was writing it, it just didn't feel right putting it in this chapter. There will be plenty of smut coming, so don't you worry! 
> 
> Thank you all for the comments. It means a lot that you take your time to share your thoughts/opinions with me. 
> 
> Enjoy! xx
> 
> PS: as you probably noticed, i added more chapters.

_“Kara, where are you taking me?”_

_Kara giggled as she held Lena’s hand, guiding her toward the woodlands behind the Danvers house._

_“You’ll see.” The blonde’s laughter died down and turned into a warm, toothy grin._

_She led Lena through a stone path until they reached the base of a large sycamore tree. Atop the large tree stood the most enchanting treehouse Lena had ever seen._

_“Wow,” Lena whispered in awe._

_The treehouse was painted in the lightest of blues, and there were unfinished sunflowers painted all over the exterior. String lights hung from the overlapping roof, almost like raindrops, over the small porch—Lena imagined the beauty of the yellow glow under the stars at night._

_When they climbed up, the first thing Lena saw were wind chimes and two beach chairs on the porch. Inside the treehouse, Kara had a bunch of blankets in one corner, an easel with paints and brushes, and a chest with, what Lena could only guess, was filled with all sorts of crazy things belonging to Kara Danvers. On the walls, there were a bunch of drawings, along with pictures of Kara, Alex, Eliza and a man Lena didn’t recognize._

_It was quite the cozy little thing, surrounded by other sycamore’s, cottonwood and bur oak trees. It certainly stood out in the middle of that forest. One could probably spot it from a mile away._

_“Do you like it?”_

_“Do I like it?” Lena asked incredulously. “Kara, I love it! This is so cool! You built this?”_

_“Yeah. With my dad.” Kara had a faraway look._

_“Is that him in the pictures?”_

_Kara nodded. She was remembering something sad. “He left us…” She looked up at Lena, and Lena’s heart broke when she saw the pain reflected in those stormy blues. “One day we woke up to find mom sitting in the living room crying her eyes out. He was just gone. No explanation. Nothing,” said Kara._

_Lena hugged her. “Oh, Kara... I’m sorry.”_

_Kara pulled away from Lena, wiping away tears she didn’t know she’d been shedding. “It’s been two years. I guess what hurts the most is the fact that I’ve lost two fathers.”_

_Lena knew Kara was adopted. It wasn’t exactly a secret. Everybody in school knew. But what she didn’t know was where the girl had come from. She didn’t know anything about Kara, not really. And there wasn’t anything more she wanted than to get to know this mystifying creature._

_“Did you know I was adopted too?” Lena said._

_“You were?”_

_“Yes. I was adopted by the Luthor’s when I was four. My mom and dad died in a car crash… turns out the man that raised me until I was four wasn’t even my real father. Lionel cheated on Lillian and then I happened.” Lena looked at Kara knowingly, a silent statement telling the girl she sympathized in a way—unknown to Lena at the time—no one had before._

_Kara and Lena got to talking. They sat on the treehouse porch floor, legs dangling off the edge. Kara had a bubble bottle she’d retrieved from—what Kara called—her treasure chest. They swapped stories, shared secrets and blew bubbles. There was a slight summer breeze that occasionally pushed Kara’s hair to the front of her face, and Lena would run her fingers from Kara’s forehead to her temple and behind her ear, tucking away the loose strands from her face. Lena would revel in the blonde’s blushing reaction, cheeks already bright from the summer heat growing redder with a simple swipe of Lena’s fingertips._

_Kara looked so pretty under the summer sun. Lena couldn’t help the questionable yearning that filled her lungs, wanting, no, needing to kiss Kara’s delicate lips._

_She had to constantly remind herself that wanting to kiss Kara was wrong. Especially after what she’d agreed to. Kara and her could only be friends. Just friends. Nothing more._

_But it was proving to be difficult. What with her wanting to spend each waking moment with Kara Danvers._

_Lena and Kara remained in that treehouse for hours, getting to know each other. Only when the sun was beginning to set did they realize they’d been up there all afternoon._

_“Wow… look at the time…” Lena showed Kara her watch for emphasis._

_Kara asked the same question as the day before: “Do you want to hang out again tomorrow?” She looked at Lena with those charming eyes, and Lena was under her spell._

_How could she say no to that?_

_“I’d love nothing more.”_

_Lena’s response made Kara beam with joy._

_“You know… you could stay for dinner…” Kara looked down at her fingers shyly, still smiling._

_“As much as I’d love to… I can’t.”_

_Kara’s face fell a little, but she schooled her expression almost instantaneously. “Well… you’re welcome here for dinner anytime.”_

_“Thank you, Kara.” Lena shot the girl a polite smile. “And thank you for showing me your favorite spot. I loved it. Truly.”_

_“It was an honor to have you visit M’lady.” Kara smiled wide, exposing her teeth. She stood up and extended her hand to help Lena up._

_Lena chuckled as she took Kara’s hand and rose to her feet. “Why, thank you kind Sir…”_

_This was one of the things Lena was beginning to love about Kara; how she would make her feel like a kid again, lighthearted and fun. The blonde was such a dork, and it brought out a side of Lena that she normally wouldn’t dare expose—the side that was a far cry from the perfect Luthor her mother always forced her to be._

_The two girls walked back to the house in comfortable silence. Lena caught Kara glancing at her every now and then. And when Lena would look at her, Kara would turn her head to the other side, bashfully avoiding Lena’s gaze._

_Where had this girl come from? Lena’s mind played the question on a loop._

* * *

Lena and Kara became inseparable after Lena’s first visit to the treehouse. That was the thing about Kara Danvers. Once you were stuck in her orbit, it was impossible to get out.

It was easy spending time with Kara. Kara was vivacious and surprisingly spontaneous. Whenever Lena slept over her house, the blonde would wake her up at the crack of dawn just so that they could climb onto the roof to see the sun rise over the green fields of Kansas. Then Lena would fall asleep in Kara’s arms, and Kara would just hold her there, on top of the blankets she laid on the roof, until late morning when Eliza would send Alex up to the roof with cups of coffee and breakfast for all three girls. And that became their thing. Even when Lena couldn’t sleep over. On those days, Kara would just sleep over Lena’s house and they’d watch the same sunrise over the Luthor ranch.

The two girls spent their days going to the beach and the lake. Sometimes they’d go downtown to get ice cream from Kara’s favorite parlor. Or eat at their favorite diner. On occasion, they’d go horseback riding, and those were the days when they’d have a picnic by Luthor Lake.

But their favorite days were the ones spent at the Smallville Library. Lena and Kara were both major bookworms. They enjoyed getting lost in different worlds, with a cup of tea or coffee in hand. They spent so much time at the library that the Librarian (as a joke) taped a piece of paper with their names on it to the back of the chairs the two girls would regularly occupy.

After a month and a half of spending nearly every day with Kara, Lena began to feel guilty. She was falling for Kara, profoundly, beyond a shadow of a doubt. And she didn’t know how to react to these newfound emotions. Especially since Maxwell was being an even bigger prick and texting Lena almost every day, reminding her of that sick bet.

Lena had had enough of Maxwell’s incessant bugging. So one afternoon, after lunch with the Danvers’, she decided to pay him a visit on her way home.

“The bet is off,” Lena said, tone unwavering.

“You sure about that?” Maxwell had a satisfied grin plastered on his face.

“Yes. It’s off.”

“That’s fine. I would have won anyways.”

“What do you mean?” Lena had a bad feeling about what he was going to say after seeing the sickeningly sinister smirk that he was shooting her.

“I would have won the bet. I’m already ahead of you. Kara and I are going on a date. While you’ve been busy braiding her hair, or whatever it is you girls do… I’ve actually asked her out.”

Lena felt her heart drop to the floor. “What?”

His perverse grin grew wider. “You heard me. Kara and I are going on a date tomorrow.”

_How did Lena miss this? Why hadn’t Kara said anything?_

Lena felt hot. Literally. She felt heat course through her blood, and the vein on her forehead popped just like it always did when she was angry. She wanted to punch something. No. She wanted to punch someone. She wanted to punch Maxwell into space.

“What’s wrong, Lena? You look like you want to kill someone right now.” He laughed. The motherfucker had the gall to laugh in Lena’s face.

“You’re not going on a date with Kara. Over my dead body.”

Maxwell arched his bushy eyebrow. “Oh, this is great. You actually like her… ha! No way! You have feelings for that prude? Come on, Lena… you can do better. Even I’ll admit that.”

“Shut your stupid mouth, Max!”

Maxwell was shocked by Lena’s outburst, but the shock only lasted a millisecond before he glared at her.

“Whatever. You’re pathetic. I have plans with the boys. You can show yourself out.” His usual polite facade was completely gone, and there was just the mean-spirited boy Lena knew him to be.

“Text her and cancel. I’m serious, Max.”

“And give you the satisfaction? I don’t think I will.”

“Ugh! Why are you such a douchebag?!”

“And why are you acting all high and mighty all of a sudden? Let’s not forget you agreed to go through with the dare. Don’t act like you give a fuck about little miss sunshine…”

That shut Lena up.

He was right. Lena was no saint in this situation. If anything, she was the one who took it to the next level by agreeing to do the dare, by not stopping the bet.

Lena didn’t say anything else to Maxwell. There was no point. She left his house and decided the best course of action was to convince Kara not to go on a date with him. How she would do that, she had no idea...

* * *

The sun was about to set over Smallville when Lena pulled into Kara’s driveway.

When she knocked, Eliza was there to receive her and told her Kara was out back in the treehouse. Lena greeted Alex and walked through the house, past the back porch, and made her way into the woods.

She found Kara lying on her back, eyes closed and a book nearly falling out of her hands over her stomach. She looked so peaceful, so sweet.

Lena just stood there for a minute, taking in the soft beauty that was a sleeping Kara Danvers. That strange weight-of-the-world tension the blonde always seemed to exude when she was awake was long gone.

A lightning strike hit somewhere far away, followed by the rumbling of the sky. Lena somehow felt it beneath her feet, a vibrating drumbeat.

The sounds shook Kara awake. And when she caught sight of Lena, her brows crinkled in that cute way Lena had come to adore.

“Lena… what are you doing here?” Kara’s words came out lazy and strained. Lena could tell she was exhausted.

“I know I was just here this afternoon… but I had to talk to you about something… something that can’t wait until tomorrow.”

Lena watched as Kara stood up and closed her book, her worried expression now prominent. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

Lena had a sick feeling in her stomach. “Don’t go on a date with Max tomorrow. Please…”

A multitude of emotions crossed Kara’s face. Lena couldn’t pinpoint how she would react. “Why shouldn’t I go out with him?”

Lena sighed. “Kara… please... just trust me. He’s not a good guy. He’s really good at making you believe he is... but he’s really not.”

“That’s all you’re going to give me?” Kara looked a bit frustrated.

“Kara... I...” Lena found herself at a loss for words.

“Fine. I’ll cancel… only because I trust you. And because you know him better than I do.” Kara turned around and walked towards the chest to put her book away. She kneeled in front of it. “But it’s not fair you know…” Her frustration was now obvious. She slammed the chest shut and stood up, facing Lena and looking at her with an intensity that made Lena tremble. “Why can’t you just admit it?”

Lena was perplexed. “Admit what exactly?”

“That you like me!” Kara ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Rao, Lena… it’s pretty obvious… and I think I’ve made my feelings obvious too…”

Lena couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What is ‘Rao’”? She did as she always did when it came to talking about feelings; she changed the subject.

“Don’t do that, Lena.” Kara’s usually gentle voice was gone. Her voice was deeper, fiercer. More assured. But her gaze was pleading. “Don’t try to change the subject when I’m trying to have an honest conversation with you.”

Lena closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She had pictured confessing her feelings to Kara multiple times. As a matter of fact, she’d dreamt about it. Deep down inside she even wanted to. But this was not the way she envisioned it happening.

Kara came closer to her and she backed away. The look of pure hurt on Kara’s face instantly made her regret it.

“Sorry, Kara… I didn’t mean to—I just… I can’t.” Lena turned around so fast she nearly slipped. She climbed down the latter and all but ran away from the treehouse—from Kara.

“Lena!” She heard Kara calling from a distance.

Lena looked back for a second, pausing as she made eye contact with Kara, who was standing on the edge of the treehouse porch looking down at Lena with despair in her eyes.

Lena couldn’t bear to look at her. The sight of the sadness in those blue eyes was heart-achingly devastating. It almost made Lena climb back up that latter.

But, alas, Lena’s actions betrayed her heart and she turned around and walked away.

She didn’t realize it was pouring until a dripping Kara appeared before her, seemingly out of thin air.

_How did she—_

Lena looked back up at the treehouse, where mere seconds ago she had seen Kara standing on the edge of the porch, and brought her eyes back to the blonde in front of her. “Kara… what the hell? How did you get down here so fast?”

Kara ignored Lena’s question. Instead, she picked her up and the next thing Lena knew, they were back in the treehouse.


	3. to hell with it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara spend a stormy night in the treehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep this chapter short and fluffy before the heartbreak. So prepare for some drama in chapter 4. 
> 
> The smut in this chapter is tooth-rottenly sweet. I wanted to keep it as innocent as possible (keeping the rating in mind) since it is Kara's first time. And they're teenagers so I'm not comfortable writing some crazy ass sex scene involving minors. 
> 
> Anyways... enjoy the sweetness of summer love! 
> 
> And as always, thank you for your comments. I really appreciate them. xx

Lena’s heart was beating so fast it was all she could hear.

“Lena… calm down, please. Your heart”—Kara shut up when she saw the look of anger on Lena’s face—

“Calm down?! What the actual fuck, Kara?!”

“I am so sorry…” Kara began pacing back and forth. “Rao, what was i thinking?” She mumbled to herself.

“Kara.” Lena sounded angry, but what Kara didn’t know was that she was just really scared. And when Lena got scared she tended to cover up her fear with anger.

Kara finally made eye contact. “I can explain…”

“Well… I’m waiting.” Lena put her hands on her hips and arched an eyebrow.

“Uhm... okay...” Kara blew out a breath. “Okay... so you know who Superman is, right?”

Lena nodded. “You know I do. Lex doesn’t shut up about him.”

Kara looked at Lena apologetically. “Well... he’s my cousin. I... uh... I’m Kryptonian.”

Kara’s eyes didn’t leave Lena. She observed her. Every movement, every breath, every heartbeat was being analyzed.

Lena felt exposed. Overwhelmingly so. And she didn’t like it one bit.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It’s just... my sister and my mom are very adamant about me keeping this a secret. So is Superman. He doesn’t want me revealing who I am. Says he has too many enemies blah blah blah...” Kara began pacing again.

Lena’s feelings of fear and anger vanished and were replaced by a crushing unease. Knowing the things she knew about her brother, how his obsession with Superman had become borderline insane recently, and the fact that she found him synthesizing kryptonite in the ranch lab last summer... it made Lena terrified of him finding out about the other Kryptonian.

Kara knew a lot of things about the Luthor’s. Things that Lena had shared with her in confidence. She knew about her brother’s obsession with Superman, but the true extent of it was something Lena had kept to herself. However, this newfound knowledge was troublesome. Kara was related to the most powerful man on the planet. If Lex found out, he would do anything to get his hands on her. And Lena couldn’t have that.

“Please forgive me,” said Kara. It was so soft and vulnerable, voice cracking at the edges, and it broke Lena’s resolve.

“Kara... listen to me...” Lena walked forward, getting closer to Kara. “You must not tell anyone else who you are. Your secret is safe with me. But promise me... promise me you won’t expose yourself to anyone else... what you just did, the way you revealed yourself to me... that was a stupid decision, Kara. And you can’t do that again. Eliza and Alex are right about wanting to keep this secret. Your cousin does have a lot of enemies, and they can come for you and your family.”

Lena tried to say it as best she could. She was trying to warn Kara the only way she knew how. But she couldn’t just come out and say it. It was hard for her to admit to herself who her brother was, let alone admit it to Kara.

“I’m not stupid, Lena. I would never expose myself like that to just anyone. It’s you we’re talking about… and I trust you with my life… I wanted to tell you earlier… I just didn’t know how.” Kara’s worried brow and pout made the remaining bricks surrounding Lena’s heart fall away.

She looked Kara in the eyes, only finding sincerity in the blue hues. “Promise me you’ll never be that reckless again. Please… just promise me. I need to hear you say it.”

“I promise,” Kara said without hesitation.

There was a long, loud silence that filled the treehouse. It made both girls hyperaware of their proximity and their heavy breathing.

“Will you tell me about Krypton?”

Kara moved closer to Lena. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Next thing Lena knew, Kara had her arms around her waist and their foreheads came together. Lena could feel the rise and fall of Kara’s chest pressed against hers.

Things with Kara always happened so fast, and it all made sense to Lena now; the girl was faster than a speeding bullet after all. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her how quickly she had fallen.

_To hell with it._

Lena pulled away briefly, gazing into Kara’s eyes as she gently cupped her cheeks. She brought Kara’s face closer and closer, until their lips _finally_ brushed.

The kiss was subtle and tender, practically innocent. Lena could tell Kara was holding so much of herself back, worrying about being too rough and hurting Lena. So Lena decided to take the lead. She deepened the kiss and buried her fingers in Kara’s wet hair, and pressed herself harder against the blonde.

Kara let out a soft little moan that shot straight down between Lena’s legs.

Lena was lost, intoxicated by everything Kara. In that moment, everything else fell away; the worries, the constant need to be perfect, the stone cold bitch she made the world believe she was… it all faded with something as simple as a kiss. And that was all that mattered.

She had to pull away to breathe, and chuckled when she opened her eyes to see Kara chasing after her lips.

“Come back.” Kara was pouting in that irresistible way she knew would get Lena to fulfill her every wish.

“My lips aren’t going anywhere, darling.” Lena smirked and pulled Kara in for another kiss.

This time, the kiss was more intense. And it quickly became heated.

For someone who was holding back so much, Kara sure knew how to make a girl’s head spin. Lena couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to be so intense and reserved at the same time.

“Lena…” Kara breathed. She pressed her forehead to Lena’s.

“Kara, I… I”—

“Shh…” Kara cut her off. “I know. It’s okay. Me too.” She caressed Lena’s cheek, touch light as a feather.

Neither girl had noticed the rain had picked up, until a bold lightning strike brought them back to reality and reminded them of the storm they had been caught in, leaving them trapped in that treehouse for God knows how long.

“Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while,” Lena said.

Kara backed away slowly, leaving Lena confused. But before Lena could utter a word, Kara began to unzip her sundress.

“We should take off our clothes and wrap ourselves up with the blankets… you know… it’s better than being wet. We don’t know how long we’ll have to be here and it gets pretty chilly at night when it rains,” said Kara.

“Darling, if you wanted to get me naked, all you had to do was ask.” Lena smirked at a blushing Kara, reveling in the reaction she’d evoked.

“Oh… I… uhm… that’s not… I mean, yeah… okay.” Kara’s cute cheeks were pinker than a rose.

Lena’s smirk turned into a shy smile as she stripped. Kara’s gaze dropped to her chest when she removed her shirt. And when she got rid of her shorts, leaving nothing but her underwear on, Kara’s eyes traveled the entirety of her body, unabashedly curious—the shy girl from minutes ago long gone.

Nobody had ever looked at Lena like that, with a mixture of hunger and tenderness, want and need.

“Can I help you with your dress?” Lena asked, after realizing Kara’s hands had frozen midway into unzipping her dress.

Kara swallowed hard and nodded. She was nervous.

Lena turned her around, unzipping her dress and helping her out of the straps. Kara turned back around to face Lena and let the dress drop to the floor, giving Lena a perfect view of her exposed breasts. And Lena was definitely not expecting that. She assumed Kara had been wearing a strapless bra or something.

“Kara… you’re beautiful,” Lena whispered.

Kara’s response was in the form of a torrid kiss. She walked backwards slowly, pulling Lena with her, until their bare feet were on top of the nest of blankets Kara had in one corner.

Kara pulled Lena down on top of her as her back hit the blankets. Had Kara been any other girl, the impact of the fall would have hurt her back. But she was the girl of steel. Lena hadn’t really let it sink in fully until that moment, when she lay on top of Kara’s hard body, wrapped in impossibly strong arms.

“Lena…” Kara released Lena’s lips. “I’ve never…” She turned her head away timidly, suddenly finding the wall very interesting.

“Kara, look at me.”

And Kara did look. She looked at Lena with those fiery blue eyes, perforating her very soul.

“Darling… we don’t have to do anything. We can just cuddle,” Lena said.

“I want to though… Lena, I want you to be my first.”

“Are you sure?”

Kara looked at Lena tenderly, placing a hand on her cheek. “I’m just scared I’ll hurt you.”

“You won’t.” And Lena had never been more confident with words.

“Just… go slow, okay?”

“Okay, darling.”

Lena kissed Kara lovingly. She ran her fingertips down the cleft of Kara’s breasts, down to her stomach, traveling softly, lower and lower until she reached the smooth fabric covering the part of Kara she longed to touch the most. Lena’s fingers burned with a yearning like never before.

Kara was trembling. Lena noticed she was holding her breath.

“Are you okay?” said Lena.

“Yes,” Kara replied instantly. “Don’t stop, Lena. Please don’t stop.” Her voice was desperate.

Lena pressed a delicate kiss to Kara’s lips, only deepening it when the blonde chased her lips hungrily.

Lena carefully slipped her fingers inside Kara’s panties, gliding between her wet folds. Kara moaned against Lena’s lips, her breath filling Lena with a life she didn’t know she’d been missing.

“Is this okay?”

“Rao, yes. Don’t stop,” Kara breathed. A moan escaped her when Lena began rubbing her clit a little faster.

Lena peppered kisses all over Kara’s chest, leaving a wet trail as she reached one of Kara’s nipples. A guttural moan pierced the air when Lena took the nipple into her mouth.

She sucked and licked and pressed her tongue over the pebbled flesh.

“Oh, Rao, Lena…”

“Mmm…” Lena’s moan vibrated over Kara’s nipple, making the blonde arch her back and push her chest into Lena’s mouth, encouraging Lena to suck a little harder.

Lena moved her ministrations to Kara’s other nipple, and began rubbing her clit faster and faster.

“Do you want fingers, darling?”

“No… no, fingers,” Kara said, out of breath.

Lena could tell that Kara was struggling to stay in control. Her thighs were fighting to stay apart, and she squeezed her eyes shut when Lena pressed down harder on her clit. Her moans kept getting louder and louder, driving Lena insane.

Lena looked at the beautiful girl and was enraptured by the sounds, by the way Kara reacted to her touch.

“I love you.” As soon as the words left Lena’s lips, she realized what she had just done. She had admitted the one thing she didn’t want to admit to herself. And she had admitted it out loud, for Kara’s ears to latch onto.

Kara’s eyes shot open, and she let out a long, sensual moan. Lena’s words had broken through and pushed her over the edge.

“Lena!” Kara cried out as she came on Lena’s fingers.

Lena brought her forehead down to Kara’s, and she continued her ministrations while Kara rode out her orgasm. “Fuck, Kara… you’re so pretty when you come, baby,” she whispered.

When Kara’s breathing evened out, Lena stopped rubbing, and she brought her fingers up to her mouth, licking and sucking them clean.

Kara’s eyes were glued to every movement, mesmerized by Lena’s mouth. “Rao, Lena. I love you… so much.”

Lena froze, but as soon as she saw how Kara’s face fell, she came back to her senses and shot her a kind smile. It didn’t quite reach her eyes, but Kara didn’t notice—or maybe she pretended not to.

“Can I touch you too, Lena?” Kara said it like asking for something forbidden.

And when Kara’s beguiling blue eyes met the verdant earth that were Lena Luthor’s eyes, she couldn’t bring her lips to part in response. All she could do was kiss Kara passionately.

And so Lena let Kara make love to her ardently, unhurried. Every touch became a permanent tattoo on her skin, a haunting mark she could never erase.

Maybe it was the guilt, or maybe it was pure love, but Lena let Kara explore every inch, she gave herself over to the blonde completely—something she’d never done with past lovers. And she pushed away the dread in her chest, the bad feeling that perhaps the moment would be so fleeting that Lena had to savor every second.


	4. ghost of summer's past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump. Lena is going to NCU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello beautiful people! (: 
> 
> time for another update. 
> 
> so sorry there wasn't an update last week. i've been really stressed, and then between work and the elections, i was on the verge of a mental breakdown. so i had to take some time off for self-care. 
> 
> you guys will probably notice that i removed the final chapter number. and that's because i'm taking this fic in another direction from what i had previously planned. 
> 
> so this is how most of it is going to go:  
> each chapter will have flashbacks. you're not going to get all the answers in a single chapter. so as we move forward, we will get to see how Kara and Lena's relationship develops as they veer into adulthood, along with flashbacks of that--now--infamous summer. 
> 
> as always, your comments are very much appreciated. they motivate me to write faster. 
> 
> enjoy! xx
> 
> PS: there will be angst. and a bit of slow-burn going forward.

_Two years later_

Lena sat quietly, staring at the rain that pitter-pattered on the windows of her father’s Mercedes. She thought about how unusual the rainy weather was, considering September was normally a dry month in California.

Lena had never imagined moving to the West Coast. But after her parents decided to move to Massachusetts, she needed to get as far away from them as possible.

National City University was exactly two thousand, nine hundred eighty-four miles away from MIT; and almost three thousand miles away from the Luthor’s. Her father hadn’t been too happy about it at first, but he came around. He even promised Lena she could open her own Luthorcorp research facility in National City after graduation. So whatever qualm she carried had dissipated with that promise. Plus, she was tired of the cold weather, and sunny California had been calling to her ever since the day she visited her aunt, Cynthia, in Malibu.

She chose NCU because it was the best university on the West Coast. After all, she was a Luthor. Anything less than greatness was unacceptable. Those were her mother’s words.

Lena looked past the window, catching a glimpse of a man selling sunflowers.

They reminded her of Kansas.

They reminded her of Kara.

Lena couldn’t help her thoughts from wandering off into the memory of that last summer before adulthood crept in. The last summer she was young and wild and free—before the the real world slapped her in the face.

She remembered a young Kara, running through fields of sunflowers, hair and skin golden under the rays of the sun—her pretty face and magnetic smile immortalized in Lena’s memory of that summer.

Her heart remembered that summer too; how fast it would beat when Kara kissed her, and how it would stop whenever she said _I love you._

Her skin remembered Kara’s soft hands roaming her body, eyes intense and oh, so blue gazing down at Lena, electrifying her with every touch as they made love.

To this day, no one compared.

Kara had been her sweetest lover.

That summer was seared into her memory like a wildfire.

Kara haunted her.

And so did the heartbreak.

* * *

_As is typical of two teenagers in love, Lena and Kara couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They were spending almost every waking moment together._

_In fact, Lena was beginning to worry that Kara was neglecting her family and friends to spend time with Lena. So when Sam invited the two girls over for a midsummer party, she told Kara to invite her friends._

_The night started off smoothly. Lena and Kara played beer-pong and drunk charades—something Lena had never played before—with their now mutual friends. She was having so much fun that she didn’t notice Maxwell and his goons arriving uninvited._

_Lena and Kara were sitting on the couch in Sam’s living room, after a fifth round of drunk charades, when Lena noticed Maxwell in the corner. He smirked sinisterly, and waved his hand at her._

_“Everything okay?” Kara wrapped her strong arms around Lena, disrupting the freakout going on in Lena’s head._

_“W-what?”_

_“Your heart is beating really fast, Lena. It’s beating like when you’re scared. What’s going on?” Kara looked concerned._

_“Nothing… it’s… it’s nothing.”_

_Lena was watching Maxwell. He was making his way over to them, smiling as he walked with that awful swagger of his, as if he was the most important person in the room—in the world._

_Lena swallowed hard. She knew what was coming._

_“Hello, ladies,” Maxwell said, a little too loud for Lena’s liking. He was clearly trying to make a spectacle of whatever he was going to do._

_Kara looked up at him curiously. “Max,” she acknowledged._

_“Hey, sweetheart. Changed your mind yet?” said Maxwell._

_Kara was now visibly annoyed. “Excuse me?”_

_“You know… about going on a date with me. Have you changed your mind yet?”_

_“No, I haven’t. And you know I’m with Lena. So I don’t understand what gave you the impression that it would be okay to walk over here while I have my arms wrapped around my girlfriend.”_

_Lena remained quiet. She was petrified. She knew exactly what was going to happen next._

_“I don’t think you know the person that you’re dating, Kara,” he said._

_Kara stood up and got right in front of Maxwell’s face. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She was trying hard not to lose her temper._

_“What’s going on here?” Sam cut in. She had watched the exchange while restocking the Jello shots._

_Sam looked at Lena, worried._

_Lena couldn’t bring herself to speak. She had frozen in place the minute Maxwell came over. And the worst part of all, was that everyone’s attention had been drawn to them._

_“Sam, why don’t you help me catch Kara up to speed? After all, you were a part of this as well…” Maxwell said._

_Kara looked at Lena in confusion. And then she looked at Sam. “What is he talking about?”_

_“Max, give it up. Don’t be a dick,” said Sam._

_“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Kara was getting impatient. She turned to Lena. “Babe?”_

_“Lena has been using you, Kara,” Maxwell said. He looked disgustingly satisfied. “Your relationship is a farce. It was all a bet. To see which one of us could win your pretty little heart.”_

_Lena stood up slowly. Her bones felt heavy, her world was beginning to collapse. “I can explain… please let me explain…” She reached out for Kara, but Kara backed away quickly, as if Lena was Kryptonite._

_“Explain?” Kara looked at Lena incredulously. Her eyes were watery. “Please tell me he’s joking… this has got to be some kind of sick joke…”_

_“The only joke here is you, sweetheart,” said Maxwell._

_“Max! That’s enough! Get the fuck out!” Sam was seething._

_“Oh, come on… did she really think Lena would go for someone like her?” Maxwell seemed amused. He had the nerve to laugh._

_Lena had had enough. She balled her hand into a fist and punched Maxwell in the face._

_The entire room of partygoers gasped._

_Lena’s face contorted in pain and the tears that she’d been holding back came to the surface and spilled over. “Fuck!” She yelled as she shook her hand, trying to get her fingers to uncurl._

_Everyone gathered around the scene._

_“You bitch!” Maxwell shouted._

_“That’s what you get for being an asshole.” Sam said, crossing her arms._

_Lena turned around to face Kara, only to find the spot where the blonde had been standing empty._

_She looked all around the room, trying to see past the circle of people invading her space._

_Kara was gone._

_“Sam, where’d Kara go?”_

_“I saw her walk out the front door.” Sam eyed Lena sympathetically._

_Lena didn’t respond. She went off to find Kara._

_When she walked out of Sam’s house, Lena spotted Kara down the street._

_Lena ran after her. “Kara!” She called out. But Kara just kept walking. “Kara, please! Hear me out! Please! Please, darling!”_

_Kara stopped dead on her tracks. She turned around to face Lena. And the expression on her face was like nothing Lena had ever seen before. It was disgust and love and hate all rolled into a single visage. “Don’t you ever call me that again!”_

_Lena came to a stop in front of her. She was out of breath. “Please… Kara it wasn’t like that… what he said”—_

_“What he said what? Are you going to tell me it was a lie? Huh, Lena?” Kara cut her off. She was enraged. Lena was taken aback by her tone of voice. “I opened up to you. I trusted you like I’ve never trusted anyone before… and all your sweet words… your gifts… your kindness… it was all fake… none of this was real to you, was it?”_

_“No! I mean, of course it was real! Kara, I love you! I never lied about that!”_

_Both girls were crying. Their emotions were running high._

_“Why’d you do it, Lena?”_

_“Please just let me explain.”_

_“Okay, so explain!” Kara yelled._

_Lena shut her eyes, startled by the loudness of Kara’s voice. She hated fights. She hated to hear people yelling at each other. Lena had enough of that at home._

_Lena took a deep breath. “Remember Max’s end of the year party?” She looked at Kara, waiting for a response, but the blonde just stared at her with that same look of disgust and love and hate._

_Lena chose to hang on to the love._

_“I was drinking a lot that night and Max was being, well, Max. And then Sam said something about me getting more girls than him, and so of course, his little chauvinist ass had a point to prove… so… so he dared me to get you to fall in love with me. I wasn’t going to agree at first, but I was drunk and stupid and he was talking shit… I promise you, Kara, I wasn’t going to do it. I was only going to trick him into thinking you and I were together. I figured it’s better I get to you before he does… oh, God, that sounds horrible… I just… I just didn’t want you to get hurt. And a part of me was also selfish, because I used the bet as an excuse to get close to you… high school has always been about fitting in for me, Kara. About being cool… so I hung out with Max and his friends to be part of the in crowd. I am a Luthor after all… but I wanted to get to know you even before all of this happened. I was just too much of a coward to leave my reputation behind. So the bet was really just a way to knock down the social wall that stood between you and I… and I was finally able to do what I had wanted to do for years… I was finally able to get to know you. And I love the you that I know. I love you so much, Kara. You have to believe me. Believe what you want about the rest, but you have to believe that I love you. I would never purposefully hurt you.” Lena’s eyes stung from the mascara that ran down with her tears. She was trying to blink away the burn._

_She rubbed her eyes and sniffled, facing Kara with nothing but vulnerability, silently pleading for forgiveness._

_“It’s too late for that. You did hurt me.” Kara turned around and balled her hands into fists._

_Lena reached out and touched her arm, but Kara pulled away._

_“I have never been more humiliated…” Kara said through soft sobs._

_Hearing Kara like that tore Lena’s heart apart. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Kara… please give me a chance to make it up to you… to prove to you how much you mean to me… I won’t ever hurt you like that again. I swear, Kara… please…” Lena begged._

_“You got that right, Lena… you won’t ever hurt me again… whatever this was… it’s over.”_

_“Kara, please!” Lena said._

_But Kara was long gone. And Lena’s words were left in the air, disappearing into the night along with the girl who she’d willingly handed her heart to._

* * *

Lena sighed, remembering the night that felt like another lifetime. She couldn’t help but internally laugh at her current predicament. Because it truly was some sort of cosmic joke.

Here she was… at National City University, home of the Blue Comets, her home for the next few years, and home to the same blonde girl that had stolen her heart years ago.

_A cosmic fucking joke._

And the best part?

The best part, the punchline, was that that same girl would be her roommate.

When Lena first found out, she panicked. She almost rescinded her enrollment. Which she could very well do as a Luthor. But when she thought more about it, about the chance to make things right with Kara, to leave things in the past and maybe, just maybe, be friends; she knew she had to try. She hadn’t even bothered requesting a new roommate. And Kara hadn’t either. So that was good news.

Lena was confident that things could, at the very least, be civil between them. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t nervous as hell.

Lena walked up the stairs to her dorm. Her belongings had been delivered ahead of time. She twisted the doorknob, but before she could enter, she inhaled and exhaled all the stress that had accumulated on the drive there, and she relaxed.

If Kara was already inside, she couldn’t allow herself to seem vexed. She had to put on her bravest face, and act as if the past was in the past.

There was no use in reliving painful memories.

Lena opened the door to an empty dorm. Kara hadn’t arrived yet.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t somewhat relieved. After all, no matter how much you think you’re prepared to face old ghosts, there’s always a scare.

_Thank, Rao_ , she thought. That old phrase was the only thing from the past that she’d held onto.

But, of course, she spoke too soon.

“Lena?” A soft voice came from behind her.

Lena turned around to face her ghost of summer’s past. “Kara… hey.”


	5. seventeen again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback: Lena's last day of summer.
> 
> Present: Lena and Kara's first interaction two years after their last conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the wonderful comments! Sometimes I forget to respond to all of them, but I do read them. So, again, thank you. 
> 
> I'm sorry if there are any typos or grammar errors. It's nearly 4am where I live and I have to be up in 3 hours for work, so... as you can imagine, I'm sleepy af.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> PS: this story, as of right now, will have 13 chapters.

_Lena’s mother, Lillian, once told her that heartbreak was just a fable. It was ironic, coming from a woman of science._

_At seventeen, Lena knew better._

_She knew the science of heartbreak. While she knew that it was over between Kara and her, the reward center of her brain did not. Like someone on drugs, it sought to feel good._

_When we’re in love, the brain is always looking for its next hit of feel-good neurotransmitters. When that hit doesn’t come, when the brain can’t get its fix, it responds like an addict going into withdrawal. And that physical pain one feels when they’ve been heartbroken... it’s real. See, the brain processes emotional injuries as if they were physical ones._

_But the thing about heartbreak that can’t be elucidated by science or shakespearean tales, is the fact that no one knows exactly when the pain will go away._

_Grief has no exact timeframe. Neither does loving someone. And moving on? Well, that’s something else entirely._

_Lena stood on Kara’s front porch, palms sweaty and heart beating like thunder-strikes. She’d lost count of the times she’d come knocking on the Danvers’ door, expecting Kara to be the one to open it; but Eliza was always the one on the other side, telling Lena for the umpteenth time that Kara was still in Metropolis with her cousin Clark._

_Kara had left the day after the party—the day after their breakup. Lena called her everyday she was gone, but it was pointless, because the blonde never picked up. So Lena waited and waited. She would show up on her front porch with flowers everyday. And Eliza would always take the flowers, smiling kindly at Lena, knowing very well how the girl was feeling. Because unbeknownst to Lena at the time, Kara was feeling the exact same way._

_This day, however, felt different. Her heart hurt more than usual, and her desperation was palpable._

_For this was Lena’s last day of summer. And her last day to try to get the girl she loved back._

_Though summer had not ended yet, Lena had to be in Massachusetts the following day, per her mother’s demands. Her parents had bought her an apartment not far away from MIT. Lillian insisted she get settled before the semester began. So Lena—ever the obedient daughter—had no other choice._

_Lena knocked, and after what felt like an eternity, someone opened the door._

_She was disappointed once again._

_“Lena… hey, sweetie. Those are beautiful,” Eliza said, looking at the sunflowers in Lena’s hand._

_Lena always bought sunflowers. They were Kara’s favorite. But these, the ones she was holding, were bigger than any sunflowers she’d ever seen before. She bought them from an old man with a flower cart downtown. As soon as she’d seen them, she had thought about the sun—about Kara._

_“She’s still not back?” Lena said, handing the flowers to Eliza._

_The older woman took the flowers and smiled apologetically. Lena immediately knew what she was going to say. “No, dear. She’s not back yet,” said Eliza._

_Lena tried to hide her disappointment, her anger, her pain. She tried to stave off the tears. “Right. Well... just tell her I was here... again. I... I’m not coming back. I have to leave tomorrow... I guess this is goodbye. Tell her that I’m going to miss her dearly. And... and that I love her very much.” Lena’s voice broke on the last word. She turned around before Eliza could see the lone tear running down her cheek._

_“Lena, wait...” Eliza said._

_Lena turned around and eyed her curiously._

_Eliza sighed. “She’s not going to be happy about this but... she’s in the treehouse. She’s been back for a week. I’m sorry, Lena. She asked me not to tell you... but I don’t have it in me to keep lying to you. Whatever happened between you two... fix it. Because I’ve never seen my daughter like this. And it’s breaking my heart.” The older woman looked at Lena pleadingly._

_Lena couldn’t bring herself to speak. Whether it was from the relief that she would finally get to see Kara after weeks of trying, or from the anger that seeped through her at the knowledge that Eliza had been lying to her for days, or from the fear that crept up when she realized Kara might not react well with Lena just showing up at the treehouse; she had no idea what rendered her speechless; maybe it was all three thoughts. But she pushed them all away and just nodded at Eliza and took back the flowers, walking past her and through the house, making her way into the woods._

_Lena walked along the familiar stone path. Her nerves skyrocketed the minute she approached the treehouse. When she climbed up, Kara was standing in front of her easel, frozen mid stroke._

_She had heard Lena._

_“Kara…” Lena said, just above a whisper._

_The blonde girl dropped the paintbrush into a mason jar filled with water and turned around, wiping her paint stained hands on her apron._

_Kara didn’t speak. She remained silent, just staring at Lena with an unreadable expression._

_“I… I needed to see you before I left tomorrow… these are for you…” Lena extended her arm, offering Kara the sunflowers._

_Kara was a bit apprehensive at first, but she eventually accepted them. She placed them on the side table next to her easel. “Thanks,” was all she said._

_There was a long, awkward silence between the two of them. Lena felt the tension radiating off of her body. She could tell Kara was feeling it too._

_Lena sighed. “Kara…” she took a few careful steps towards the blonde. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry for everything… please… what can I do to prove to you that my feelings were the most honest thing I’ve ever felt in my life? Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me… please… tell me what to do… because I don’t think I can handle losing you for good. Kara, I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. What I did to you… the way you looked at me the night you found out… I can’t get that out of my head…” As Lena got closer, Kara backed away._

_“Lena… I can’t do this. I can’t…”_

_“Please, Kara… talk to me. Tell me what I can do.”_

_“There’s nothing you can do! Do you not understand that?!” Kara’s voice was filled with so much emotion. “You think you’re the only one who can’t eat, who can’t sleep? You think you’re the only one who can’t stop thinking about that night? Rao, Lena… I can’t even look at you without my heart breaking… I can’t do this…”_

_Lena’s eyes filled with tears. “Kara… please…” Her voice was so soft, vulnerable. “I can’t lose you… you are… you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me… please… please forgive me,” she said through sobs._

_Kara looked at Lena, tears now running down her face too. She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around Lena in a tight embrace. Lena buried her face in Kara’s chest._

_For the first time in weeks, Lena dared to hope. The way Kara was holding her… it wasn’t an embrace of a person who was saying goodbye. Kara was holding her like it was meant to be. Like all she ever wanted to do was hold Lena and never let go._

_“Lena…” Kara whispered. “It’s better this way.” And with those words, Lena lost all hope. Kara pulled away slightly. She brought her hand up to Lena’s cheek and rubbed gently with the pad of her thumb. “We’re going off to college, Lena. We’ll be on opposite sides of the country… it would never work out.”_

_“We could make it work.”_

_“No, Lena. We can’t.” Kara put space between them, and Lena felt a coldness she hadn’t felt in years._

_“We can try.” Lena’s gaze was pleading._

_“I don’t want to try! I don’t want to be with you anymore! How many times do I have to say it? Just stop… stop apologizing… stop begging… I don’t want this anymore. This… us… it’s over, Lena. Just accept it already for fucks sake!”_

_Lena was taken aback by Kara’s outburst. Her gaze dropped to the floor. She made herself small. Just as small as when Lillian and Lex yelled at her._

_“Lena… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell like that.”_

_Lena remained silent._

_She felt Kara’s hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry… please, look at me,” Kara said._

_Lena looked up expecting to meet angry eyes, but Kara’s eyes were filled with regret instead._

_“I’m sorry, Kara.”_

_Kara frowned. “You hurt me, Lena… and… and now all I want to do is hurt you… can’t you see? That’s exactly why we can’t be together. I would hate myself forever if I ever hurt you.”_

_“You would never hurt me.” In Lena’s mind, no truer words had ever been spoken._

_“Not physically. But emotionally… that’s all I want to do right now. I want you to hurt like I’m hurting. And I hate myself for it. Because I’ve never been revengeful… but… but I’ve never been as humiliated as you made me feel… that’s not something I can get over right now… I’m sorry. But I can’t do this with you.” Kara backed away from Lena and turned around. “Maybe one day we can be friends…”_

_“I don’t want to be your friend!” It was Lena’s turn to yell—to get angry. She noticed Kara flinch at her words. “You think I’m not hurting? Goddamnit! If you just took a moment to see past your own damn feelings…”_

_Lena took a deep breath, trying to reign in her emotions. She walked to Kara and placed her arm on the blonde’s back. Surprisingly, Kara didn’t flinch or pull away._

_“I’m tired, Kara. I don’t want to yell. I… I hate this… I hate what I did to you. It eats away at me… but I can’t take it back now… all I can do is make it up to you… but you won’t even consider giving me the chance to do that… I don’t know what else to do.” Lena wiped away the angry tears that had fallen from her eyes._

_Kara turned around and faced Lena. Her beautiful blue eyes were surrounded by a sea of red. “I’m sorry, Lena.” She hid her face in her hands and broke down._

_Lena’s heart hurt like never before._

_She realized then and there that no matter what she said to Kara, no matter how many times or in how many ways she apologized, it wouldn’t take away the fact that she had hurt Kara deeply. And maybe the best thing she could do for her was to let her go. To let her heal._

_What Lena was doing wasn’t helping either one of them._

_She had to accept her fate, and try to move on._

_“Don’t be sorry, Kara. You’re right.” Lena’s words made Kara look up. “We’re going off to college… on opposite sides of the country… doesn’t make sense for us to be together.” She swallowed her emotions and allowed the numbness to take over. Her face turned stone cold, like the Lena who was friends with Max and his goons, the Lena that only cared about being cool and didn’t give a fuck about others. She turned into the Lena her mother would be so proud of—the perfect Luthor. “I should go.”_

_Kara’s familiar eye crinkle appeared. “You’re going…” she said, more to herself._

_“Like you said… maybe one day we can be friends.” Lena turned around to leave, but as soon as she took her first step, Kara was right there in front of her, stopping her from leaving._

_“Wait…” said Kara._

_Lena couldn’t do this. She couldn’t keep fighting. She couldn’t keep looking at Kara. Because every time she did, her heart felt like it was being stabbed repeatedly._

_“I have to go, Kara.” Lena tried to walk around the blonde, but she wasn’t having it._

_“Maybe we can keep in touch…”_

_“I already told you. I can’t be your friend. Not right now.”_

_“Lena… please… just give me some time to get over this… I need more time.”_

_“I’m giving you all the time in the world, Kara,” said Lena, devoid of emotion._

_“So that’s it? You’re done trying?”_

_“I’m doing exactly what you told me to do… I’m accepting it. You’re better off without me anyways.”_

_“Don’t give me that bullshit! Ugh!” Kara walked past Lena and began pacing, hands on her hips. “Incredible! Now I’m the one begging!”_

_Lena let Kara pace. She knew the blonde was trying to gather her thoughts. It was something she often did._

_When Kara finally stopped pacing, she faced Lena, looking her dead in the eye with a kind of venomous stare that was so unlike her. “Fine! Go! Get out of here!” The words came out of her mouth laced with nothing but rage._

_Lena saw something in Kara’s eyes that day that would haunt her for a very long time; a death of sorts, a loss of innocence._

_She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. But instead, she did the one thing she thought was best for Kara. She left. And she didn’t look back._

_Because she knew that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to let her go._

* * *

Lena was seventeen again.

Lena was seventeen again and her heart was ticking like a time bomb.

_“Kara… hey.”_

Kara smiled at Lena. But it wasn’t the smile of the seventeen year old girl Lena remembered. It wasn’t the smile that used to make Lena feel like she was on top of the world. No. This was the kind of polite smile you use to greet strangers.

Lena’s heart clenched at the sight. This was worse than Kara holding a grudge. Because at least then they wouldn’t feel like strangers. And it wouldn’t be just Lena stuck with feelings she thought had died along with that summer when she was seventeen.

Kara cleared her throat. “Did you”—she looked past Lena and pointed towards the beds—“pick a bed yet?”

“Uh... no. No, I haven’t... you can... uhm... y-you can have whichever one you want.” Lena internally cursed herself for her lack of eloquence.

“Awesome. I’ll take the one on the right.” Kara walked past Lena nonchalantly, dropping her duffle bag on the bed. She seemed unfazed by their reunion.

Lena would be lying if it didn’t hurt. Seeing Kara for the first time in two years was having the same effect on her as that day when she walked away from the blonde.

Lena walked over to her bed and sat down. She needed a minute to get her shit together, and Kara was distracted unpacking, so it was the perfect opportunity to do so. “That’s all you brought?” Lena was just trying to make conversation.

“No. Alex and her girlfriend are on their way with the rest of my stuff. I… uhm… I got here first.” Kara didn’t bother turning around.

“You got here first?” Lena didn’t quite understand.

Kara turned around and shot Lena a sheepish smile. “Yeah… you know…”

Lena’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh! You flew here.” Her voice was down to a whisper on those last three words.

“I get impatient on long car rides.” Kara shrugged. She turned back around and continued unpacking.

Lena couldn’t help but smile. Her gaze fell upon Kara’s body. The blonde seemed a bit taller, which was nearly impossible, but maybe her Kryptonian DNA had something to do with it. Her hair was longer, less unruly. She had forgone her usual choice of a dress for slacks and a button up shirt, making her look oh, so handsome.

Kara looked incredible. Like she had grown into her rightful self. Even her posture had changed. The minute Lena saw her, she noticed the blonde girl stood up straighter, an air of confidence dancing around her.

The two years did wonders for Kara.

And it only made Lena’s heart ache with a longing she didn’t think was possible after such time apart.

“Little Danvers, what did you pack in here, rocks?” Lena was pulled away from her reverie by a short brunette woman who entered their dorm, dragging along a large suitcase. She had a friendly, dimpled smile and hickory brown eyes.

If Kara didn’t look like a goddess amongst mortals, Lena would have found this woman extremely attractive.

Kara immediately stopped unpacking and relieved the woman of the suitcase.

 _Still as chivalrous as ever,_ Lena thought, swooning a little.

“Where’s Alex?” Kara asked.

Lena shuddered a little at the mention of Kara’s big sister. Alex wasn’t a big fan of Lena. She had made that very clear after Kara and her broke up.

“She’s getting the rest of your stuff. You should go help her,” said the woman.

Kara walked out the door without another word.

“So you must be Lena…” the woman said. She walked towards Lena’s bed, stretching her arm out. “I’m Maggie. Alex’s girlfriend.”

So Maggie knew who she was. Lena wondered _what_ Maggie knew.

Lena rose from the bed and shook Maggie’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Maggie.”

“Need help unpacking?” Maggie motioned to the stack of boxes and the two large suitcases blocking the entrance to the bathroom.

“Oh… no, that’s alright. I’ve got it. Thank you, though.” Lena made her way over to her stuff and began unpacking.

She’d gotten through a small box when Kara reappeared with Alex in tow. Both women were carrying boxes.

They dropped the boxes in front of Kara’s bed and Alex slapped her hands together. “Alright. That’s the last of it. Hopefully this time you won’t make a habit of flying to Kansas every time you think you need something… like you did last year,” Alex said. She had yet to acknowledge Lena’s presence.

Lena caught Maggie from her peripheral vision elbowing Alex. “Ouch… babe… okay, fine. Jeez.” Alex whisper shouted.

Kara cleared her throat. “Hey, Lena… would you want to join us for milkshakes? There’s this great diner a few blocks from campus…”

Lena faced Kara, eyes curious. But she remained silent.

“Hey, Lena,” Alex said, with forced politeness.

“Hi, Alex.”

There was an awkward silence until Maggie decided to break the tension. “Looks like Lena has a lot of unpacking to do. Maybe next time?” She smiled warmly at Lena.

 _Oh, thank god._ Lena did not have it in her to sit through lunch with both Danvers sisters. She shot Maggie a grateful smile. “Yes… next time. Thank you for the invitation, Kara. But I do have quite a bit of unpacking to do.”

If Lena hadn’t made eye contact, she wouldn’t have noticed the disappointment in Kara’s eyes, which the blonde immediately masked with a fake smile. But Lena knew better. She had memorized all of Kara’s smiles, her reactions, her mannerisms. What made her tick and what made her heart soar. She knew Kara better than she knew herself. And two years later, the circumstances proved she had never forgotten.

“Well then… I’ll see you later,” Kara said. Her face was a mask of indifference as she headed towards the door.

“It was nice meeting you, Lena.” Maggie smiled knowingly.

Alex didn’t say anything. She just forced a smile on her way out.

Before she knew it, Lena was completely alone in her dorm. She felt temporary relief, knowing she would have at least a few hours to decompress and unpack and prepare herself mentally for the year ahead. She didn’t know how she was going to survive living with her ex girlfriend—who she thought she was over but clearly wasn’t—for an entire school year. But she had to at least try to get through the year. She had to shove those feelings deep down into puny boxes and toss them into her mental abyss, because if she didn’t, if she let those feelings linger on the surface of her thoughts, she’d go crazy.

* * *

Lena spent the rest of the day, and well into the evening, unpacking. When she finished, she took a shower, and curled up in bed with her thick blanket and a new book.

She read until her eyes tired and she couldn’t stand to keep them open any longer.

Lena put her book down on her nightstand and set an alarm for the morning.

Kara still hadn’t come back, which she found odd seeing as it was nearly midnight. But she didn’t give it too much thought. She didn’t even have the energy. So instead, she drifted off to sleep.

It was nearly three in the morning when Lena was awakened by a twist of the doorknob. She was a light sleeper, so any noise tended to wake her.

Kara tiptoed into the room assuming Lena was asleep.

“Late night?” Lena said.

Kara was startled. She turned around quickly. “Jeez, Lena… you scared me… I thought you were asleep.”

“I was. Until I heard you coming in.” Lena didn’t mean to sound annoyed, but her voice betrayed her.

“You should probably get used to it. I’m always out late.”

Lena felt an unusual pang of jealousy, one she’d never felt before. It made her sick to her stomach. “Oh? So Kara Danvers is quite the night owl, I see.” She tried to sound playful, hoping that Kara wouldn’t catch the discontent hidden beneath her words.

“Something like that.”

Lena could tell, even in the darkness that surrounded them, that Kara was smirking.

Kara began to undress and Lena turned around quickly, facing away from Kara and blushing profusely.

Seeing Kara take off her clothes was not something Lena was mentally prepared for. Nope. Definitely not.

She pushed the thoughts of a naked Kara away and hid her face in her pillow.

Kara chuckled as she got into bed. “Goodnight, Lena.” It was clear that she was amused by Lena’s reaction.

“Not going to shower?” Lena asked.

“Nope. Already did. A friend lent me her shower.”

And there it was again. That unfamiliar pang of jealousy, making Lena want to crawl out of her own skin. “Oh… okay. That’s… that’s great… goodnight, Kara.”

“Night,” Kara said dryly.

Lena suddenly felt homesick.


	6. i've got you

Lena was walking through dark, dark woods trying to reach the yellow light where the forest ended. The place looked familiar, almost like the woods behind the Danvers’ home. But these woods were much denser than the ones back in Kansas. The trees were different too. There were miles upon miles of redwood trees. Like the ones in California; tall and thick, and so green.

Lena kept moving—eventually she started running. But no matter how fast she ran, she couldn’t reach the light.

Lena looked back, and as soon as she did so, an all consuming darkness followed. And so she ran faster and faster, nearly tripping on the brown earth beneath her bare feet.

The darkness chased her and the yellow light ran away from her. And it went on for hours, until her feet began to bleed.

“Lena!” She heard a voice coming from the yellow light.

She felt her skin grow cold and sweaty. She felt a tightening in her chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

Lena wanted to scream.

She looked back once more, and now monsters were chasing her. Tall, shadow-like creatures with the ugliest faces, getting closer and closer.

“Lena!” The voice called out again. And Lena felt the ground shaking.

Suddenly, Lena felt something warm on her cheek. “Lena! Wake up!”

_Wake up._

_Oh._

Lena’s eyes burst open.

The light of the room didn’t hurt her eyes. Not as much as the pair of bright blue eyes that stared down at her.

Lena’s eyes widened in disbelief when she realized Kara was in her bed, arms on either side of her, face close enough for them to breathe the same air.

Lena felt hot, claustrophobic. The room was getting smaller by the second. Her breathing became labored and her chest was rising and falling heavily.

“Lena… it’s okay… you’re okay. It was just a nightmare.” Kara’s voice was soft, full of concern. She had that familiar crinkle between her brows. “Breathe, Lena…” she said.

“I… I can’t”—

“Shh… it’s okay,” Kara cut her off.

It wasn’t until Kara pulled her in for a tight embrace that she realized she’d been sobbing all along. 

Lena shook in Kara’s arms. Kara didn’t say a word. She just held her, patiently waiting for Lena to let it all out.

“It’s okay… I’ve got you.”

Those words shattered Lena’s heart into a million little pieces, reminding her of the last time the blonde had said those very words.

* * *

_Kara was a vision._

_A vision of paint splatters on strong yet delicate hands. A vision of concentrated blue eyes exploring a canvas like some secret. A vision of a golden sunset hitting her skin, peaking through the windows of the treehouse._

_Kara was a vision and Lena was her muse for the evening._

_“Lena, don’t move!” Kara said._

_Lena giggled and stuck her tongue out, making a funny face that broke Kara’s concentration and made both girls burst into a fit of laughter._

_“You’re insufferable!” Kara dropped her paintbrush and palette. She ran to the pile of blankets that Lena was lying on and jumped on top of her._

_“Kara!” Lena complained. “Get off me!”_

_“No.”_

_“Kara…”_

_The blonde girl smiled down at Lena and peppered kisses all over her face, making Lena giggle again._

_Kara plopped down next to her, pulling Lena with her. Lena straddled her, leaning down to press a soft kiss on the blonde’s lips._

_The kiss quickly became heated. Both girls were naked, after having spent an entire afternoon making love in the small treehouse—their favorite place in the world._

_Lena pressed her chest against Kara’s, taut nipples rubbing against the soft skin of Kara’s breasts._

_“Lena,” Kara whispered against her lips._

_Lena took Kara’s hand and guided it, until it reached the heat between her legs._

_Kara’s touch was soft and careful. The blonde always treated Lena as if she were made from glass, always afraid of breaking such a delicate thing._

_Lena would give anything for Kara to let go, to set her Kryptonian strength free all over her body. Lena would give anything to have Kara rip her to shreds, to bruise her, to take anything she wanted._

_After all, Lena thought it was what she deserved. She didn’t deserve Kara’s tenderness._

_“Rao, Lena… you’re so wet.” Kara’s eyes were wide in wonder, just like the first time she touched Lena._

_And that was the thing about Kara, too. She always made Lena feel like she was being touched for the very first time._

_“Kara,” Lena whispered into the breeze._

_“I love you,” Kara said sweetly. Her eyes were impossibly blue, gazing down, peering into everything that was Lena Luthor._

_When Kara looked at her, she really saw her._ _There was no broken girl adopted by a wealthy family. No girl with an adoptive mother so wicked she’d give the Evil Queen a run for her money. No girl afraid to fail because her parents were always sure to remind her that Luthor’s don’t fail. No girl weary of the world. No girl who cynically believed that everyone always wanted something from her._

_No._

_When Kara looked at her, there was just Lena._

_Just Lena._

_And ‘just Lena’ was ashamed of her transgressions. Ashamed of essentially agreeing to conspire against the best fucking thing that had ever happened to her._

_“I love you,” Kara repeated the words, almost as if trying to engrave them into Lena’s memory._

_But those words awakened an unbearable guilt in Lena instead._

_So Lena cried. Lena cried because she didn’t know what else to do. And because the secret was finally catching up to her and eating her alive._

_Kara immediately pulled her hand away from between Lena’s legs. “Hey… hey, what’s wrong?” She cradled Lena’s face, wiping the tears away._

_“N-nothing,” Lena was quick to answer. “I just… I… I want you to know that this is real. Us, I mean. You mean so much to me, Kara… I truly do love you.”_

_Kara smiled tenderly. “I know, Lena… I know.” She pulled Lena down on top of her, wrapping her strong arms around the vulnerable girl. “It’s okay… I’ve got you,” she whispered against Lena’s temple, leaving the gentlest of kisses._

* * *

The memory came rushing back like a rampant wave, making Lena feel worse than she already did after waking up from another recurring nightmare.

Lena needed to get away from Kara.

“I’m fine,” she said, far too quickly, pushing Kara away.

Kara looked hurt for a second, but schooled her expression. “Uhm… yeah, okay. I was… I just came in and you were screaming… I’m sorry if I overstepped… I just didn’t want you to… uhm… you looked like you were in pain. I felt bad… so I thought the best thing to do was wake you up… I’ll just…” Kara pointed her thumb over her shoulder and got up from Lena’s bed.

Lena reflexively stopped her, taking hold of her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so short with you… thank you… uhm… just… thank you.”

Kara’s gaze fell on their laced hands. Then she looked at Lena, and a surprisingly comfortable silence followed.

Kara’s eyes were filled with trepidation, and as soon as Lena sensed it, she let go.

Lena cleared her throat. “Again… sorry about that… and thank you. You can go to sleep now. I’m fine.”

“Are you really?”

Lena was caught off guard by the question. Such a simple question, so heavy with meaning. “Yes,” she lied.

Kara huffed as she walked to her side of the dorm. She sat on her bed, back against the wall, facing Lena. “Do you get those often?” The blonde asked.

“I do.”

“Since when?”

“I’ve always had nightmares… since… since my parents died.”

Kara’s familiar crinkle made a reappearance. “Really? But… but you didn’t have nightmares when… uhm… you know… when we would sleep together… at least, I don’t remember you ever getting nightmares… maybe I just forgot…”

Lena looked away shyly. “No, you’re right. I didn’t… it was the only time I didn’t have nightmares… when I slept with you…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…”

Another silence followed, this one was awkward.

Lena rose from the bed and grabbed a book from her stash in the trunk in front of her bed.

Kara cleared her throat, trying to get Lena’s attention. When Lena looked at her, eyebrow arched in question, she said: “Aren’t you going back to sleep?”

“I can’t sleep after I’ve had a nightmare. I usually just stay up and read or study until I have to go to class... it’s sort of become my unofficial alarm clock...” Lena chuckled, making light of the situation, but from what she gathered by the look on Kara’s face, this was no light matter to the blonde.

“Lena, you have to get some sleep.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “Says the one who doesn’t sleep.”

“I do sleep.” Kara crossed her arms.

“Yeah, right... you’re gone most nights... and when you do come back, you barely sleep... you’re up at the crack of dawn, off to go do god knows what, and then you’re gone most of the day too... this is the first time we speak more than a few words to each other since the semester started.” Lena stopped herself from saying more, lest she gave away how annoyed she was by the blonde’s nightly disappearances.

Kara smirked. “Didn’t think you cared so much about my whereabouts.”

“Pfft, I don’t… it’d just be nice to have a roommate who doesn’t come home at ungodly hours is all.” Lena got back on her bed, leaning against the wall and facing Kara.

Kara looked amused and Lena wanted to throw her pillow at her.

“Oh, shut up,” Lena said.

“I didn’t say anything!” Kara was holding back a laugh.

Lena was trying hard not to smile. She liked seeing Kara like this; playful, in a good mood. “Yeah, whatever,” she said, allowing the smile to reveal itself.

And as soon as she smiled, Kara did too.

_God,_ Lena thought. _Oh, how she had missed that smile._

“So I take it you’re not going to go back to sleep no matter how much I insist…” Kara said.

“Your inference is correct, Ms. Danvers.”

Lena was being playful, but something in Kara’s eyes darkened. And the blonde looked at her intensely for a few brief moments before she gathered herself and faked a playfulness of her own. “Well then, _Ms. Luthor,”_ —Kara said her name kind of funny—“looks like I won’t be getting any more sleep either.”

“Kara…” Lena began to protest.

Kara shut her up with a lift of her hand. “If you’re not sleeping, neither am I. What kind of a roommate would I be if I let you suffer alone?”

“A normal one?”

Kara laughed. “Yeah, well, normal’s overrated. I am an alien after all…”

“Seriously, Kara… get some rest. I’ll be fine. I’m used to this.”

Kara’s face fell and she was serious once more. “Lena, have you talked to someone about those nightmares?”

Kara’s question made Lena uncomfortable, and it was clear on her face.

“Sorry… that was a really personal question… I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” Lena knew the words were harsh, but in that moment, her walls were ten feet tall.

She reminded herself that Kara wasn’t her friend. They were practically strangers. Sure, once they were more, almost family, but that all changed as soon as that summer ended. As soon as their relationship ended. And Lena had to remember that she didn’t know Kara anymore, not really.

If Kara was hurt or bothered by Lena’s curtness, she didn’t make a show of it. Instead, she said: “What if I slept with you?” 

Lena’s eyes widened comically at the blonde’s suggestion. “Excuse me?”

Kara’s expression remained serious. “If I slept in your bed with you… would it help with your nightmares? At least for tonight…”

“Are you serious? I can’t tell if you’re joking or not…” Lena knew Kara was dead serious. After all, some things never changed. Like the fact that Kara would never joke around about something like this. But Lena had to make sure nonetheless.

“Lena, we’re roommates. Like it or not, we’re going to have to interact. And I don’t mind being your friend. There’s no reason we shouldn’t be… so let me do this for you… plus… no offense, but you look exhausted…”

Lena sighed dramatically, pretending to take offense. “Is that what you say to all the girls you try to get in bed with?”

For a second, Kara looked confused, but then she understood that Lena was being, well… Lena. And Lena always tried to cover up her discomfort by playing it off. So Kara played along. “Only to the ones as insufferable as you.” Kara smirked.

The air in the room was light again, any awkwardness from before gone. Lena was surprised to find that the idea of Kara and her sleeping in the same bed wasn’t making her freak out as much as she thought she should. In fact, she found the idea… comforting.

“Alright.”

“Alright?” Kara was a bit surprised by Lena’s answer. And Lena immediately wanted to take it back.

“I mean, you offered… if you changed your mind… that’s fine… I can stay up reading. It’s not a big deal.”

“Lena… relax. I was just making sure… friends?”

Lena nodded and Kara walked over to her bed. She hesitated briefly before jumping into bed and getting under Lena’s covers. Lena joined her shortly after.

It was weird at first. Neither of them knew how to get comfortable without bothering the other. So for a while, they just lied on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

“Do you want to cuddle? Uhm… I mean… friends cuddle, right?” Kara broke the silence.

“Yeah… friends cuddle…”

“Okay, yeah. Uhm. Okay, then. You should”—Kara motioned for Lena to turn over.

Lena obeyed without question and cursed herself for the eager display.

Kara quickly became the big spoon, one arm under Lena’s pillow and the other over Lena’s stomach.

Lena’s shirt had risen up and Kara’s fingertips were lightly brushing over the skin of her stomach. Lena felt the instant electricity of Kara’s touch.

She nearly stopped breathing.

“Is this okay?” Kara whispered into her hair.

“It’s perfect.”

Lena knew she would regret her response when the sun rose. She knew both of them would likely regret this. But she couldn’t bring herself to worry about it in that moment.

Not when Kara’s arms were wrapped around her protectively, reminiscent of the way she’d hold her when they were seventeen.

Not when her eyes were as heavy as osmium, drawing her closer to an easy slumber.

Not when she felt so safe, so complete, in a way she hadn’t felt in years.

Not when the girl she still loved (a quiet admission she would only dare utter within the dark confines of her mind) was pressed up against her, breathing her in and whispering, “sweet dreams,” right before succumbing to sleep.

Lena could worry when the sun came up.

Until then, all that mattered were Kara’s soft little snores.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/wanderrorx) or [tumblr](https://wanderror.tumblr.com) for updates or if you guys just want to chat. (: 
> 
> Sending everybody lots of love and light. Hope everybody's doing good! If you ever need to talk, if you're ever feeling down, just know that I'm here. My inboxes are always open. xx


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